20th Dec 2008
Life is not Easy
Today is just another day, like everything else. I wake up feel good, but then Wham just as I am in bad mood, and feeling very depressed. I know that life is not easy, and grow even more difficult. I do not understand why everything can not be easier! I have a lot to be thankful, but however I do not see well through all the bad that seems to take over my alarm clock every thought.
I have a great second family. I love them and I would like to believe love me too. I know that my bad attitude lately makes everyone around me. Today, I decided that my anti-depressant drug should not be working, so I decided to call in the office of doctors. I made an appointment with another doctor in the office, and as my friend Cody sweet expected, they have not changed the drug. The doctor thinks that I need to go to counseling, I do excersize, I need to stop holding grudges, I need to get involved in a group within the community, and that I need to build a church family. I did all these things to a point in my life. I went to church every Sunday, I started with the Relay for Life Steering Committee for 3 years, I excersized all day! Now, I rather just sleep all day. It is true that I hold grudges like you would not believe, and I am one person closed.
I have my health for the most part, a second loving family, a wonderful friend, a good father and good sister. On the other hand, if I have a mother who has disowned me make my own decisions, an aunt who think I am the Antichrist, and a sister who is completely brainwashed by my aunt and mother of bullshit. Hell, I was quite brainwashed for some time, but I came to my senses. I am my own person, I am not my mother, I’m not anyone else for that matter. I am like it or not, and my mother chose not like her.
This was my second year attending college, and I thought I was going to graduate this June with my AA. Unfortunately, my mother decided to give me every bill that I never had because I did not do what she wanted from me. I was half the length at this point, and with all these bills and no steady job, I could not concentrate. I started on the path to feeling so overwhelmed, and to control my own life. However, I have no idea what I want to do with my life, I know I will not settle for just another person, I want to do something myself. I want to help someone, and you know something I do not, people in the health care sector of the latter. It seems to me, or perhaps it is only my bad attitude speaking again, that they are just for their wages, a doctor who did not spend more than 5 minutes with their patients Arne ‘ Does it for something else. I have also seen the college through the system advice. If I work in one of these two industry I would like to think that I really care for all and everyone that I have acrost. I want to be able to touch someones life, and really make a difference.
I do not know where I go or what I do none of this in addition to the fact that I can not stop living because everything seems to collapse on me. I must continue and try my best to keep a better attitude than I had in recent times. Sometimes I just CANNOT help being unhappy. I think I will consider going back to church, and to return to volunteering, when I did both of those things I really felt like I was outside of something bigger than me. I need this, I want to feel wanted, needed, and I’m helping someone. I want to live a life of impact, I want to remember something, I just need to know what!
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